am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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