how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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