The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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