Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
