I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
