so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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