I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
