dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
