Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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