We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
