I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
