i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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