An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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