You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
