Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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