OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
