i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
