70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
