Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
