So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
