paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
