Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
