He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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