In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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