...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
