I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
