I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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