Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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