So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
