as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
