Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
