dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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