drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
