I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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