broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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