and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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