kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
