I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
