You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
