I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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