I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
