even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
