you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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