just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
