escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
