apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
