i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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