My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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