She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
