I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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