i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
