OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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