One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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