I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
