Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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