You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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