So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
