sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
