Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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