whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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