Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
