he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
