Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if only i could text you this smell
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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