we made out on top of his cat.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love how my cats smell like pot.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
