party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
