Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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