I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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