whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
