about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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