Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
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A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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