When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
