I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
