Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
