Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
