Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
