So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
