I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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