am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
