i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
