The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
