he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
