Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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