Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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