I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
